Old School Black Mama

To Spank or Not to Spank, that is the question.

I've come to the conclusion that I am an old school black mama at heart.  The crazy loud stereotypical mama.  You hear comedians talk about their crazy mothers....but you know what...they came out successful, full of pride and a good sense of humor to boot.  Almost everyone I know spanks their kids...and the ones that don't are either afraid to admit it, their kids are too young or they're afraid of their children.  I don't mean abuse.  I don't mean burning your kid with cigarettes or not feeding them breakfast because you're passed out from drugs and alcohol.  I'm talking about when your kid steps over the line after a firm warning just to test the limits...SHOW HIM THE LIMIT.  Kids need structure, they need to know what is expected of them.  When you set limits, when you tell and show your child what is expected of them...and then they STILL step out of line?  Wrong choice, now they'll get the message.  Oh yeah, stickers?  Eventually they'll get old enough to tell you to take all your smiley face stickers and shove 'em where the sun don't shine.  Then what?

Here's the thing...there are some children that shape up just by the sound of your voice.  Just by the look you give them across a room.  I call that a smart child.  I was like that.  Was I asking for trouble?  HEYALL no.  If my mom was having a bad day I stayed the hell away from her!  That is NOT the day to test the limits.  Kids want power, they want to know they are somebody.  That's fine, I'm all for choices and letting the kids speak their mind.  But if you say no, that means no.  They are welcome to ask me something but if I say no, they better drop it.  "You keep whining in my ear and giving me a headache?  Take the hint baby, take the hint.  When Mommy warns you...back off." 

I'm pretty self-aware.  I'm not an instigator.  I don't go looking for trouble.  I can feel myself getting frustrated.  I can feel the anger start to build up with every additional step.  I warn people.  I'm calm...I try to diffuse a potential argument...but if you don't get the message and you keep pushing it....don't get upset when I get mad.  It takes me a while to get really mad.  I don't go from 0 to 60 with no warning.   I'm not politically correct.  I'm conservative.  I don't believe the "children should be seen and not heard" rule BUT...if I say nicely and calmly, "Mommy needs to make a phone call and you need to be quiet until I'm done."......and two seconds later you come nagging me about something totally unimportant?  You better hope whoever I am talking to keeps me talking.....lol

How many times have you seen some nasty child in a store who wouldn't quit...and his mother just looks like she just gave up??  Puhlease.  That kid needs a spank and so does the mother.  I'm not saying spank the kid in the middle of Target...but a good "look" (see my blog on "The Look") should keep him in check until you leave the store where you can properly explain where he stepped out of line. 

I watched a youtube video where this chick was talking about a SuperNanny episode where the little girl grabbed the pot of boiling water off the stove while her mom was cooking and they put her in time out.  Are you kidding?  That kid isn't going to learn the severity of what she did.  But I guarantee you if she got spanked she'd remember not to pull that crap again and think twice the next time she felt like being a brat in the kitchen. 

I know some people who only have one child...and that child is a girl.  You most likely don't have the drama in your household or the chaos..because one little girl usually ain't all that bad.  I didn't get into much trouble...in fact I was a piece of cake.  My mom had it too easy.  If you have multiple children (and God help you if one of them has a penis) then all bets are off.  I bet you they'll get spanked either by you or your spouse at some point.   I have yet to see successfully grown teenagers that aren't into drugs/alcohol/sex that don't talk back and are actually respectful of their parents from non-spankers.  I'm sure I'll meet one someday but so far it hasn't happened.

One extreme or another isn't good.  I think a good dose of fear is good for kids, we do it in other ways.  They need to be afraid and wary of strangers, being alone, of sharp objects and other dangerous things.  They need to know consequences of their actions and it's not expecting too much of them. 

P.S.  My mother thinks she was wrong for the way she raised me and now thinks I should let my kids walk all over me.  I think grandparents should never raise their grandchildren unless they're the tough kind that don't put up with any crap, regardless if it is their first born grandchild or not.  That's all folks, time for my beauty sleep.  :-)