The Big Picture

The AM/PM Tai Chi was relaxing...very relaxing.  My eyes were half-closed through the whole thing.  Definitely something wonderful to do before bed in the evening.  I know the movements now and I can incorporate them into my "morning moves".  I also added some pilates chair moves after I was done with the dvd.  Nice and stretched and relaxed. 

I'm high strung.  I get anxious about germs.  I'm raising children on my own with no emotional support, no pat on the back, no "You're doing good, keep it up."  No hug at the end of the day to soothe my soul.  I get crazy cranky when I'm tired.  I eat when I'm tired or stressed out.  The stress isn't good for my mid-section and belly fat is the worst thing for your internal system.  The heart, your sugar levels and on and on.  Exercise is not only necessary for me on a daily basis but should be mandatory.  It doesn't matter what it is.  It can be cardio, strength training, a simple walk, sweating my brains out doing something "amped up" like a HIIT workout, pilates, yoga, or Tai Chi.  The goal is to increase healthy foods into our diet (the kids are snack junkies) and get Mommy moving.  Yes, I need amped up cardio for now.  Won't be forever but I need to get the weight down.  Hopefully by the spring I'll be in better shape.  When I look better and my body feels less heavy and tired, my spirit will be lifted and I'll be (hopefully) a much more calm parent.  I'm working on the outside as well as the inside. 

The mission is to create a healthy body both inside and out for my well-being as well as for my children.  By increasing healthy foods and WATER into my diet, daily exercise and some method of stress-release I should be able to accomplish the mission.  You know when you hear people say, "I didn't just lose weight, I changed my life!"  ?  Yeah, I want that to be me.  Are there plenty of size 12/14 women out there?  Sure.  I just don't want to be one of them anymore.  When I look at women that are toned and it's obvious they exercise...do you know what that tells me?  They care about themselves.  If they care enough to exercise, they care enough to think twice about what they eat.  When they take time to exercise it means they're taking the time to remember who they are, what their body is capable of.  It also means they're making themselves a priority. 

I've forgotten the old me.  I'm trying to remember her again.  The Bahar that used to warm people with her smile.  Now I'm tired and cranky.  The confidence isn't there.  There was little to begin with and of course now it's non-existent.  There's a part of the dream that's missing.  I'm trying to fill that void with something positive.  I messed up but now I'm trying to make it right.  The only way to make it better is by improving each and every day.  I see the bigger picture...now I just have to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.